Axel's back-door blogging is really something, ain't it? kinda puts me to shame. Anyway shit is about to get real. enjoy......................
Actually let me try that intro again...
This guy wrote a bunch of words on a two and a half minute pop song.
what a loser!
I’m going to bypass my usual introductions because this one is serious. This is as serious as a goddamned heart attack. And I will repeat half the title again – I mean it’s terrible, but it basically rules anyway. I’m talking about a few things here. Ostensibly, I’m talking about Ratcat’s 1991 single “Don’t Go Now” a number one hit in Australia. Yeah ok, I’m definitely talking about that. But the title also refers to a bunch of other stuff, like, oh I don’t know, maybe that little thing called LIFE. It also refers to me, because yeah I am definitely not good at a lot of things, but I still rule and am greater a person that you will ever be.
ANYWAY I guess some history is in order for those who cannot remember hearing this song before; ‘Ratcat were an Australian Indie Rock band of the late 1980s and early 1990s fronted by Simon Day’. This is Wikipedia’s definition and I really cannot argue with it. Besides being incredibly successful for an incredibly short period of time, Ratcat have no real defining characteristics that distinguish themselves from other bands of the day. They were just a band that played songs about girls, love, you know, all that crap. Plus like, most of their other songs suck.
And yeah, this song definitely sucks. But it rules too. That’s why it’s perfect. It really shouldn’t work not only as a piece of entertainment, but as a piece of art. I think it does on both counts. For one, on the entertainment side, it’s not a real offensive take on the power-pop formula, it’s just kinda dumb. When you have lyrics like
“And then when I'm alone, I dream of you,
til the day is done,
Don't you know I will be dying to be by your side.”
We’re not exactly dealing with Dylan or Cohen here. Hell, we’re not exactly dealing with your Year 9 Journal. But there is a universal sentiment here that makes these lines and most of this song work. UNREQUITED LOVE BITCHES. Who ain’t been there? It’s not a place I’d ever want to go back to, even though I am basically there right now at this very moment, but we’re all going to be there at various times throughout our seemingly pointless existence.
And that’s another thing I wanted to touch upon here, with my incoherent blabbering. For the longest time, I failed to find MEANING in this life (for those who find incessant outpouring of emotion/incorrect philosophising/generally shit writing, you should probably skip the next few paragraphs). I mean yeah, I’ve got it pretty damn good, better than most. I can sit behind the comfort of my laptop, typing on these dirty, dirty keys, about how life sucks and how things get you down like paying the bills, university scheduling, going out and coming home alone and various other bullshit topics. I could do that and I probably will at some point.
This whole meaning bollocks is a different kettle of fish though. It’s not such a simple thing as, “this thing sucks.” It’s more, “I have no idea whether this thing sucks or not. So I feel bad because of that” If that makes sense. I’m obviously not the first guy in the history of the world to feel this way, and people much more intelligent than myself will have explained this in an actual way that makes sense. I’m again not the first guy to have depression either.
Which is an ugly, ugly thing. Even when I type this I question its existence, because it’s so abstract. It’s not a question of feeling bad, terrible, anything like that. That is a result of it, but the initial break comes from NOT FEELING ANYTHING. Like waking up in the morning and instead of getting up, having a glass of orange juice, showering, maybe jerking off, going to work/uni/whatever, just living life, you wake up and you don’t feel like moving. Everything is a hassle, everything results in you staying in bed.
I have absolutely no idea where I’m going with this, so I’ll just cut it off and go with the build I envisioned before I got sidetracked by writing like a goddamned TYPICAL blogwriter. Better put it some swears before y’all think I gone soft like a massive BELLEND. TWAT. FUCK MASTER. SAUSAGE PUMPER. ARSE CANDLE.
That felt better. Well ok you remember a few paragraphs ago, where I threw disdain over Simon Day’s lyrics? Well ok, most of it is really quite bad, but there’s a pair of lines, the opening lines in fact, that make perfect sense to me and I feel are well, maybe not profound, but truthful;
“Well I've been looking around for feeling, some kind of sensation,
and you know i can feel it all inside”
And yeah, I’ve DEFINITELY been looking around for some kind of feeling, some kind of sensation my whole goddamned fucking life. We all do! AND I THINK I FOUND IT FOR ME. It has taken a while though. Although it was pointed to me in song, I didn’t find it in music, like collecting it or playing it, which is a little bit of a disappointment. I didn’t find it in drankin’, no matter how hard I try to see just how much whiskey can make a man turn sour towards his phone.
No,
I FOUND IT IN YOU STUPID FUCKERS
Well ok some context. I DID SAY I didn’t find it in drankin’, but I’ve definitely been giving that a fair shake lately. For the past few months lots of things just turned pear-shaped, what with family troubles, lady troubles, uni troubles, work troubles and all that. I’m not even counting the greater world in this equation because if I did that, well, you ever seen a grown man CRY?
So basically I told whiskey to tuck me in and be my breakfast for a while.
Anyway so one night I was piss drunk, feeling pretty bad about my whole life situation. I was thinking about how recently I completely fucked things up with a lady because y’know I’m still not a mature guy at all. Really. I’m not good at any of that stuff. So I still think about that a lot because I really did fall hard for this lady and there was absolutely NO WAY we were gonna be a thing (and if she reads this there’s most likely definitely gonna be NO WAY we are gonna be even friends. I thought about not writing this but fuck it, life is too short not to be honest with people. And it’s the context part of this anecdote.)
That is a thing. Being honest with people. So I started to think about that. And I was also trying to read some David Foster Wallace quotes, because I always like to appear well read to you internet folk. This particular one caught me a little off guard;
"The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.”
So after this I felt like a shit and the only cure was something that reminded me of my childhood, something about those small joys, like riding around in the car for example, sun blaring in the Australian summer, listening to Triple J and it made me feel warm.
So then I looked up this song on Youtube using the wonders of technology.
And I just felt fucking GOOD for once I mean I want to be GOOD for my friends instead of drinkin' so much I think yelling at people I've known for years is a good idea, that is never a good idea, I LOVE some people and I'm not ashamed to say I LOVE them even though some of them are pretty fat and do not wash regularly enough. There are still PEOPL, Even when shit has turned sour and it looks like things will get better before it gets worse.
Let me say too that there are loads of vile, disgusting, horrid people out there who commit the atrocities of this WORLD, which I will not name out of laziness, plus I will probably sound like Bono doing so. But there’s probably about a handful of people for each and every one of you smelly fuckers who makes this whole fucking mess of an existence worthwhile.
When we play guitars and sing about dildos, when we sit at the table and talk about cats doing drugs, when we sit and watch movies and you poke me in the eyes, when we drive around in cars and talk about the universe, when we go to quiz nights and answer correctly ‘OCTOPUSSY’, when we bring in the New Year and kiss beautiful sisters, when a kid strums a chord and laughs a bunch, when your mother makes you Christmas lunch, when your father calls Supertramp “two guys with wurlitzers”, when we dress up in suits and yell about the circus, when we get drunk and scream along to Weezer, when we throw up on a boat together and smile and kiss, when you call me up and say “I want to see you tonight.”
I love you stupid fuckers because of stuff like this. I know that in its whole it will only make sense to me but parts of it will make sense to some. And that’s ok.
And I know that trying to be less selfish is the most selfish decision one can make. But like DFW says, you got to care about people and sacrifice for them, not in the big “holy carp I just lost a leg saving your life from an investment banker” way but in the real small ways, to truly be free. That’s what I think anyway.
So in a completely round about, roughly 1690 words way I’m saying,
I need songs like this in my life. Maybe you DO, maybe you DON’T, but I STILL LOVE YOU.
I WANNA LIVE!
Oh I better mention the music I guess. The,
The guitar solo sucks balls.
THE END
No comments:
Post a Comment